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 All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road

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PostSubject: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Fri May 16, 2008 8:35 pm

Ever wondered why the chicken crossed the road? Heres a big long list for you to enjoy. Also sent by some of my pals. Dang there are just too many xD

Cindy Sheehan's Answer:
The chicken joined me and other Americans as we marched to President Bush's Texas ranch to protest the war in Iraq.


Mel Gibson's Answer:
Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??


Jim Gilchrist's Answer:
The chicken was an illegal immigrant. He not only crossed the road, but he also crossed the border! There are over 12 million illegal chickens in this country. My fellow Minutemen members have witnessed this for years while the feds do nothing about it.


Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's Answer:
The chicken crossed the holy road to resist the crusaders. Unfortunately, he was killed during the jihad. He has died a martyr.


Howard Stern's Answer:
I'm afraid to answer that because the FCC would fine me for it! Wait until I'm on satellite radio, then I'll tell you.


Jose Canseco's Answer:
The chicken was juiced up on steroids! Mark McGwire and I would shoot the chicken in the buttocks everyday after baseball practice. All the details are in my new book.


Jessica Simpson 's Answer:
Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?


Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.


Bill Cosby 's Answer:
Weeelll, ya see, the chicken crossed the road, and to get... to...the jello pudding pops.


Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.


Linda Tripp 's Answer:
"I've been friends with this chicken for a long time. I only recorded the chicken's crossing of the road because it was important for the country to know what was going on Pennsylvania Ave."


Isaac Newton 's Answer:
The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .


Shakespeare 's Answer:
To cross or not to cross, that is the question.


Rene Descartes 's Answer:
Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.


Ken Lay's Answer:
I was not aware of the chicken's crossing the road or of any accounting tricks used by Enron to disguise the chicken's true position.


John Kerry's Answer:
I agree that the chicken should cross the road, but I believe that the chicken should not get to the other side..


Pete Rose 's Answer:
I don't know, but I swear I didn't bet on it.


Gandhi 's Answer:
All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.


Steve Jobs 's (Apple) Answer:
Because of the brand-new iChicken- a portable device that crosses roads, lays eggs, gives wakeup calls and provides dinner, automatically. This amazing device can simply plug in to the $4000 iCoop to produce additional iChickens and recharge existing iChickens, or plug it into the $9000 iChop to convert iChicken files into iFood. iFood-to-Regular Food converters sell for an additional $50/month fee, however the optional iFood-to-FoodXP converter is still in development. iChickens are only available from authorized iDealers, which can be found in nearly every US state. If your iChicken develops a disease or stops working, you must send it by FedEx Overnight to Littleton, Montana and our iTechnicians will send you a replacement within 3 months. The iChicken. Wow.


Colin Powell 's Answer:
This is not about whether inspectors made sure the chicken crossed the road, it's about the willingness of the chicken to cross the road voluntarily.


Darwin's Answer:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Another Answer:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.


(former) Iraq Information Minister:
There is no such chicken trying to cross the road, and there never has been any such chicken.


Moses's Answer:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.


David Hume's Answer:
Out of custom and habit.


Douglas Adams's Answer:
Forty-two.


Epicurus's Answer:
For fun.


Henry David Thoreau's Answer:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Fri May 16, 2008 8:36 pm

Hippocrates's Answer:
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.


Howard Cosell's Answer:
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homosapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.


Jack Nicholson's Answer:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.


John Sununu 's Answer:
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.


Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe's Answer:
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.


Johnny Cochran 's Answer:
Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.


Machiavelli's Answer:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Another Answer:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which
has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear,
for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained


Arthur Andersen Consultant's Answer:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chickenís people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impact environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a
consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the
chickenís mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards
the creation of a total business integration solution. (Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.


Mark Twain's Answer:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.


Ralph Waldo Emerson's Answer:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.


Salvador Dali 's Answer:
The Fish.


Secretary Cheney's Answer:
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they
wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need
help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the
road myself.


Senator Lieberman's Answer:
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in
his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no
chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own
way.


The Sphinx's Answer:
You tell me.


Neil Armstrong's Answer:
To go where no chicken has gone before.

Another Answer:
That's one small step for Chicken, one giant leap for Chicken kind.


Thomas de Torquemada's Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.


Timothy Leary's Answer:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.


George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.



Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Another Answer:
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them


Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.


Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Fri May 16, 2008 8:37 pm

Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.


Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.


Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.


Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.


Ralph Nader's Answer:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Another Answer:
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire
makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to
create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing
there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with
chickens.


Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"


Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.


Rush Limbaugh's Answer:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.


Jerry Falwell's Answer:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".


John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.


Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Another Answer:
To actualize itís potential.


Karl Marx's Answer:
It was a historical inevitability.


Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.


Voltaire's Answer:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.


Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.


Fox Mulder's Answer:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?


Scully's Answer:
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.


Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Another Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.


The Bible's Answer:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.


Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

Another Answer:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.


Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.


L.A.P.D.'s Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.


Richard Nixon's Answer:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Another Answer:
I don't know any chickens.
I have never known any chickens.


Buddha's Answer:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.


Joseph Stalin's Answer:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.


Carl Jung's Answer:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.


Louis Farrakhan's Answer:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.


John Locke's Answer:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.


Albert Camus' Answer:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.


Oliver Stone's Answer:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Another Answer:
National Security was at stake


The Pope's Answer:
That is only for God to know.


Immanuel Kant's Answer:
chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Another Answer:
The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as
chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history


MC. Escher's Answer:
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.


George Orwell's Answer:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.


Plato's Answer:
For the greater good.


Nietzsche's Answer:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.


B.F. Skinner's Answer:
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.


Jean-Paul Sartre's Answer:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.


Emily Dickenson's Answer:
Because it could not stop for death.


O.J. Simpson's Answer:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.


Ken Starr's Answer:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America, in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road, until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations, have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.).


Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?
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coco616
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Fri May 16, 2008 9:09 pm

LOL. I love it. So many ways.
My belief is that he was high.
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Fri May 16, 2008 9:15 pm

Man that is one Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *ten years later* ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong list of reasons why the chicken crossed the road.
I don't even know who half those people are Lol.

My belief is that he did it to get to the other side.

Ö

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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Fri May 16, 2008 9:22 pm

i know 1/3.
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Sat May 17, 2008 7:00 am

man that took me like, FOREVER!

hehe . . but enjoyed it really. . .

chickens are down right DUMB if you ask me! hehe
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Tue May 20, 2008 3:48 pm

I didn't read half of it, but it was good.

XD
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Tue May 20, 2008 7:25 pm











lol...
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Tue May 20, 2008 7:34 pm

Now that was really funny. LOL ..thanks for contributing.

"Chicken, you are found guilty and you are sentenced to a punishment of crossing the road back and forth forever. On top of that, you will be punished by becoming a subject of many jokes in joke books and websites." *judge slams hammer on table*

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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Tue May 20, 2008 7:58 pm

Hehe. As i said, he did it to get to the other side.

Ö

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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Tue May 20, 2008 7:59 pm

no!!

hahaha

he was squashed by an SUV
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Wed May 21, 2008 6:39 am

too bad they can't really fly . .

hehehe
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Wed May 21, 2008 1:07 pm

Wikipedia wrote:
Chickens were spread by Polynesian seafarers and reached Easter Island in the 12th century BCE, where they were the only domestic animal, with the possible exception of the Polynesian Rat (Rattus exulans). They were housed in extremely solid chicken coops built from stone. Traveling as cargo on trading boats, they reached the Asian continent via the islands of Indonesia and from there spread west to Europe and western Asia.

The Romans used chickens for oracles, both when flying ("ex avibus") and when feeding ("auspicium ex tripudiis"). The hen ("gallina") gave a favourable omen ("auspicium ratum"), when appearing from the left (Cic.,de Div. ii.26), like the crow and the owl.

For the oracle "ex tripudiis" according to Cicero (Cic. de Div. ii.34), any bird could be used, but normally only chickens ("pulli") were consulted. The chickens were cared for by the pullarius, who opened their cage and fed them pulses or a special kind of soft cake when an augury was needed. If the chickens stayed in their cage, made noises ("occinerent"), beat their wings or flew away, the omen was bad; if they ate greedily, the omen was good.

In 249 BCE, the Roman general Publius Claudius Pulcher had his chickens thrown overboard when they refused to feed before the battle of Drepana, saying "If they won't eat, perhaps they will drink." He promptly lost the battle against the Carthaginians and 93 Roman ships were sunk. Back in Rome, he was tried for impiety and heavily fined.

In 161 BCE a law was passed in Rome that forbade the consumption of fattened chickens. It was renewed a number of times, but does not seem to have been successful. Fattening chickens with bread soaked in milk was thought to give especially delicious results. The Roman gourmet Apicius offers 17 recipes for chicken, mainly boiled chicken with a sauce. All parts of the animal are used: the recipes include the stomach, liver, testicles and even the pygostyle (the fatty "tail" of the chicken where the tail feathers attach)

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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Wed May 21, 2008 5:36 pm

I like the Homer Simpson answer.

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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Thu May 22, 2008 6:53 am

"Pope's answer"

that is only for god to know . .

hehe
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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Thu May 22, 2008 5:55 pm

hehehe

Real nice work man.

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PostSubject: Re: All the reasons you ever need to WHY the CHICKEN crossed the road   Fri May 23, 2008 5:41 am

Well i haven't seen no chickens crossing the roads here in the Philippines . .

hehe . .
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